So I am now horseless. Prior to leasing Mia, I had a great set-up at the barn. I showed up and got to ride whomever was available. More often someone than not. But now I feel like a beggar when I go, so I haven't been going unless for a specific reason. Bathing Bastiaan or grooming him. Riding a boarder's horse. Dropping off the turn-out sheet. Whatever.

It's time to have my own horse. I search online for hours looking for the horse in my "dream." A bay with a blaze.

I was offered a OTTB a couple weeks ago. I spent hours thinking, feeling, wondering about the best plan of action. His name was Tani Maru, japanese words for Valley Circle. I really thought it was it. I was eccstatic. But upon seeing him, I didn't get the warm familiar feeling that I thought I would. Plus there was the potential he would be forever lame. I chose not to take him. In some respects I wonder about myself.

So it is that Mia has gone away for a month or two of rest. I am always one to ask others "how does that make you feel?" and so I ask myself that now. I feel glad for Mia, it seems like she will love being rested—eating grass. For me, I feel a bit sorry for myself. However, it does give me the opportunity to spend time with my very good friend Bastiaan. Yesterday while on a run, I was again overwhelmed by the emotions he provokes in me. I am still unsure if the feelings are my own or from him. He feels like a best friend. And knowing that, I am able to see that he is sad. I think it's time for some trail rides with him. Sometimes it is worth the physical risk for the benefit of the mind and heart.