As it so often happens, I have taken a respite from writing on my blog. For what is it's purpose anyway, no one reads it that I am aware of. The reason I want to continue again is because it is as good a practice for writing as a light hack is for riding. The benefits are not outlandishly obvious, but somehow you just know it is a benefit.

Tom is doing great with riding in the indoor. Although a couple weeks ago, just when he calmed down so much that I had to push him (even got the vet out to look at him) he also became spooky. A characteristic I was happy to say, he did not exhibit up to this point. I have been asking for a lesson for over a month, and was kind of giving up rather than begging for one. And I liked working with Tom in my own way, as I believe we both have a different rhythm and way of learning than the other's at the barn. My relationship to Tom is about my spiritual growth in every direction. The riding is only one facet of that. Most of the people at the barn have riding relationships with their horses, and beyond that is extra. But anyway, I have digressed. The point is that I did ask for help, and received none. And was okay with that.

Well, the other day, we had just gotten on and were half way around the ring. Tom hesitated about moving forward, I thought I assured him. He took a real step and I was about to congratulate him for being so brave, when he spun around to the left. We had been using a new saddle pad configuration to help alleviate any sore back problems and the saddle was not tight enough to stay in place for such a spin. So, I fell off and he continued cantering around the ring with the saddle half on/half off. I did hurt my back when landing and that is what makes this such an annoying story. Not that I got hurt, although I do find that annoying, but the reaction of the barn's owner. She yelled at me saying that I need to send him to a trainer to get "broke." Two novices just don't work. etc... It was obvious that she had had these thoughts harboring inside for a long time. What I do not like about this, is not so much the actual thoughts, but the way in which they were delivered. Why didn't she say it earlier? Why didn't she try to help me? Why, why, why to all kinds of questions.

But then I ask myself, why (again with the why) do I care? What do I want to do about it? I do not think Tom is in any way shape or form dangerous. I don't want to be thought of as a failure. But I do want Tom to get along well. So, if I send him to a trainer,what would be my expectations? And for what reason would I do it? If it is to appease my current trainer, that is not a good enough reason. If it is because I think Tom and I will both learn from the experience in a way that we can not otherwise, that is a valid reason. And so it is that I ponder my motives. And to stick simply with me and my feelings and intuitions. Other people's beliefs about us is inconsequential.