What a roller coaster ride it is, looking for a horse. I did go see Cruiser, and he looked nothing like his photos. But the more time I spent with him, and especially after I left, the more I felt him going deeper into my heart. I've been waiting to see a video tape of him and his rider, when suddenly (or so it seemed to me) she writes saying that she has had an offer and good luck in my search. I am sure that it seemed like I was an unlikely buyer, because I was dragging my heels and asking for a lot. Video tapes, pre-purchase exam etc... I need it all. I've been trying hard to allow the Universe to tell me what it would like me to do, but when the girl said she took the offer, I couldn't stop crying. And so it is that she said I could come again and video it, but she needs to know the very next day. I felt such remorse when he was not an option for me. And I question tis desire now. How much is stemming simply from not being given the option to decide on my own? Or how much is it the universe asking me to make up my own mind, act on my own desires, listen to my own heart.

And so I go tomorrow to see if Cruiser and I are a team. He does seem perfect for me. Sensitive, but trusting. Big and floating. Handsome, but humble. But I do ask for the Universe's help to tell me if he is all that I see from here. Or am I making him into something more than he is. And so it goes, the never ending cycle of analysis goes running through my head. Doubt/certainty/doubt again. I instead choose to live in trust of what takes place. I will not force the situation. I do not know for sure he was the horse that stated he was "waiting for me." I ask of you Great Spirit, to give me another sign tomorrow. Cruiser, if it is you that has been waiting for us to team up, please place your head at my heart and flow your love to me.